Perky, Sunny and Fun

2007.05.29 - the boredom will get to you

2007-05-29T08:10:10Z

"Why am I depressed most of the time when people are dying on the streets out of poverty? People say that I have everything and that I couldn’t ask for anything more but why do I feel the other way around? Why did I feel so alone?

Because I’m not the type of person who succumb into mediocrity. And I don’t have any other means of entertaining myself. So I do stupid things because I think it’s fun. Like getting piss drunk and taking numerous pills were my mode of entertainment. Little did I know that my actions are hurting the people who love me. But I didn’t stop right away because I didn’t know what I was doing until it was too late. "

i posted this in my previous journal less than a year ago. at that time, i knew i was doing the right thing of not acting stupid. i knew i was a mess for such a long time and did stupid things i didn't know would hurt me and the people around me. i hated the feeling and the way people looked at me so i worked my way out of that craziness and i was so proud to have gone out. people still thought otherwise but in me i knew i would not go back that path.

it's happening again - the boredom which made me walk towards stupidville. right now, im scared. im scared ill do the wrong things again. im scared that i won't be able to fight the urge to do stupid. im scared that if i do fight it, i'd eventually get tired of fighting the urge and just give in.

i don't wanna go back. i really don't. i just don't know if i could do it.

2007.05.21 - another death

2007-05-21T01:57:13Z

around 3 in the morning of friday, he called me up in a chippy mood, to tell me that his mom woke up and moved to an ordinary room. he gave his phone to his mom. it's sweet to hear someone say "you take care kid. life can be so short." and ended it with a light laugh. i just smiled on my end.

around 2 in the morning of saturday, he called me up. "she's passed." all i heard on the other end was a kid sobbing for a tragic lost. thousands of miles away, i felt his pain and i started to cry. "i'm sorry" was all i could say.

2007.05.18 - cuteness

2007-05-18T13:32:37Z

Aren't they just cute?

I'M FEELING SO HAPPPPEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2007-04-25T05:14:22Z

WARNING: some of you may not understand the stories for only my precious few friends know what i'm getting at.

yesterday, i was crying my heart out over something most of my friends would say is not worth my tears. i guess they all felt the anguish and hurt with every amplified word that came out of my mouth. so we drank the night away and i went home drunk. i wanted to get so wasted so i would throw up and hopefully release every bad joojoo there is in me.

this morning, i went to the doctor for a follow-up check up.... and guess what!!! surprise surprise...apparently what's causing the imbalance in that area has been resolved while the other problem can be answered by taking several medications. i haven't had that kind of smile in a long time. so yes, i do not have to be in a hurry and i will be capable of having my own you-know-what in the future.

on my way to work, i heard a phone ring. the driver didn't seem to mind so i picked up the phone and cancelled the call since it was running low on battery. i sent an SMS to the number calling and told her that the phone is safe with me. after two hours, the girl picked up the phone from my office. i haven't felt that good about myself for the longest time.

i guess life and me are really not that shitty. i guess i just really had to release the bad joojoo in me.